Thursday, October 20, 2011

Is your relationship breaking up? 4 steps to heal emotional pain

One of the big issues that brings people into psychotherapy is emotional pain. The emotional pain caused by the ending of a relationship is particularly common.

Here are four steps that will help you to heal from emotional pain.

1. Acceptance: You often resist what “is” especially when you are in pain. Letting go of the “if onlies” (if only he/she would call me, change, give me another chance and so on) will help you get unstuck from a merry go round of pain. Letting go of what you wish would happen and accepting what is happening is the first step. Recognize that you do not have control.

2. Feel your feelings and express them in ways that feel safe. Talk with friends, a therapist, your rabbi, priest or spiritual advisor, or get a journal write your feelings down. Expressing your feelings and thoughts will help you organize and understand what you are experiencing. This will bring you release and relief.

3. Be: Once you do the first steps you will begin to feel better. Breathe, relax and nurture yourself. Have compassion for yourself and provide experiences that are comforting and nurturing. (Take a nap, exercise; take a bath, lunch with a friend and so on).

4. Take action: Now it is time to literally move on. Take a bike ride, go for a walk, join a class, or start hobby. Get involved in your life.

When you are experiencing emotional distress you often relive trauma from the past, or feel that you will be overwhelmed by the emotions in the present.

Instead you can understand this experience provides a tremendous opportunity for healing. Follow these steps and you can move through the pain with a new perspective and a better attitude.

Interested in learning more? Visit my web site for free articles about relationships, dreams, spirituality, personal growth and more.

*as seen on

Monday, October 10, 2011

Kabbalistic Healing Class

As a psychotherapist, student, and teacher of Kabbalah for over 20 years I have been studying how spirituality and psychotherapy intersect and interact. As a result, I am excited to offer this class which will provide psychological healing utilizing Kabbalistic principals.

In this class you will learn about The Tree of Life, a map of the universe and of your psyche. "Know thy self" is one of the important tasks for Kabbalistic healing. Enlightenment comes from studying yourself, understanding how your psyche functions, and why you feel and act the way you do. You can gain mastery over yourself by finding balance, being mindful, living in the moment, and making conscious choices. You will improve your physical, mental, and spiritual health. Kabbalistic healing will benefit your life and relationships (including your relationship with yourself).

In this six week course you will:

1. Gain a framework and map of the universe and yourself. This will deepen your awareness and understanding of the spiritual practices you have already developed.

2. Understand and experience The Tree of Life, a map that guides you in the evolution of your soul.

3. Develop and expand your awareness of yourself, your relationships, and your life.

4. Develop and reconnect to a practice of awakening and remembering.

5. Explore your state of being. Learn how to harmonize areas of discord in yourself and your life, both on a spiritual and mundane level.

  • September 11th
  • October 2nd
  • October 13th
  • October 23th
  • December 4th

  • Tuesdays: 6:00pm – 7:30pm

For more information about dates, times, fees, and how you can participate, call Debra Joy Goldman at 561-602-8041.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Tough time in your marriage? 7 helpful tips

Are you angry with your spouse? Are there ongoing issues that try your patience, compassion and love? You may want your marriage to work, but are out of ideas of how to fix the issues. I have been providing marriage counseling for over twenty five years and have put together these helpful tips:

1. Communicate. There are different ways you can communicate. Talk honestly about what is happening. Each of you can share what you are experiencing. If talking doesn’t work, write letters or get a licensed therapist to facilitate a dialogue. Even if it is hard to communicate keep on trying.

2. Create a vision of the solution. If you made a video tape of how your marriage would look when your issues are resolved, what would be on the tape? How would you and your partner feel, what would you being doing and saying to each other? What would be different?

3. Express your authentic feelings, how you truly feel. To the best of your ability, listen to your partner’s feelings with an open mind and a lot of love. You may be surprised to find you both have similar feelings.

4. You may both want the same things, peace of mind, to be loved, appreciated, supported and respected. When I listen to couples fight, underneath the anger and stories I hear hurt and a longing to be accepted and loved. When you fall in love you often feel “now I have a safe place, someone who will be there for me, and support me”. When this does not happen, you feel disappointed and need to blame someone. To some extent, these unspoken expectations are there for everyone.

5. Work together. You can work together and share the journey as you move in an agreed upon direction. Continue to communicate and share your vision for the relationship. This is an ongoing process. Keep practicing.

6. Instead of looking at your partner’s behavior, look at yourself. What are you doing to block what you want in the relationship? Change your behavior.

7. Learn how to move past disappointment. Everyone will at some point in your relationship, disappoint you, (not live up to your expectations). We are only human. After experiencing disappointment, learn how to repair the martial connection and continue on the road towards your vision (what you saw on the video tape).

Make the commitment to work through the tough times. Having a partner who works towards a shared vision can bring many rewards. Having a companion who shares the tough times, as well as the good, is all part of marriage.

THE GOOD NEWS: Your marriage will often be stronger after you work thorugh the tough times.

*as seen on

Does it feel like you and your spouse live in different worlds?

In a study reported in the book Rapt by Winifred Gallagher couples were given a checklist of events and activities and asked to mark ones that had occurred during the course of the week. The list included items like fights, lovemaking, issues with children and so on. The data revealed the percentage of agreement between husbands and wives was at the level of mere chance. Your spouse is experiencing an entirely different world from you!

How does this happen? Your experience of the world depends on where your attention is focused. We all have selective attention. What you focus on is what you will remember.

What determines what you pay attention to? Attention is determined by many factors, both conscious and unconscious. Each one of us is unique. Your past, your beliefs about the world and your self all influence what you focus on. This creates an individualized experience of the world.

For example if you get a new hybrid car, all of a sudden there seems to be many hybrid cars on the road. Your attention is now focused on noticing these hybrids cars. Before you bought one you never paid attention in this way and did not notice as many hybrids.

How can you benefit from this knowledge? Realize how important communication is for your relationship. Without communication, sharing your feelings, perceptions, and thoughts you lose the connection with your partner. You stay in your separate worlds.

Learn how to communicate with your partner, pay attention to them and listen to what and how they have experienced the world. Invite them into your world and be willing to enter theirs. Neither view is objectively “right”.

Communication will increase intimacy and satisfaction in your relationship and it just might expand your world.